Relationships & Love or is it ?
Anyone who has been in a relationship with an on off love knows how much frustration this can cause. It can be very hard to handle and can leave a person wondering what is going on with their partner to make them behave this way. It is often hard to get closure and move on not to mention the confusion when the mind starts wondering if a break up really means things are over or if there is hope and should we hang in there.
You could be dealing with a seductive withholder (SW) is: “Why do they back away when they just end up coming back again and again?” There can be different reasons depending upon the type of SW you are dealing with.
There are a few types of love addicts: unrequited love addicts, romance addicts, saboteurs, and seductive withholders.
Seductive withholders are similar to saboteurs, except that while a saboteur will sabotage a relationship and never look back, the other will come back in a way that creates an on again off again, pattern. In other words, these individuals swing back and forth between offering a relationship, love, affection, sex, or commitment and then withdrawing it.
Sometimes these types are very charming and come on fast and strong. They tend to be less in love with you and more in love with themselves and get off on seducing women and playing with their emotions. You can recognise them because when they get bored or you might find that all of a sudden they seem less interested and drop you. But as soon as you have given up the chase and decide to move on, you find they suddenly pop up acting like nothing happened and turning on their charms again. Their intention is to see if they can seduce you again and again. They may be getting an emotional high off of playing with your emotions.
You can usually recognise them because they have some of the characteristics of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Lack of empathy for your needs and feelings, manipulative, dishonesty, sense of entitlement, fixation on ideal love, wealth, intelligence, or beauty; etc. Instead of waiting for them to change, learn what you can about being in a relationship with a narcissist so that you know what to expect.
The fear based SW have developed a pattern of approaching and retreating as a way to cope with fear of getting hurt or rejected. These SW’s are often very empathic or can be very sensitive and may have been hurt by a bad divorce, betrayal, rejection, trauma, or something else that left them afraid to get truly close. You can tell a SW they will seem less confident.
Men who fall into this category may back away more quietly; women may be more vocal and dramatic. Sometimes, fear-based SW reacts the way they do because they are in relationships with people they feel a lot of chemistry for but they know the person is not good for them.
The Fixer Upper
The fixer upper SW will use withdrawing as a way to punish their partner or to get what they want in a relationship. Sometimes, the male fixer-upper might do this to get their partner to back off from confronting them about issues with the relationship. They usually just need to be left alone for a while or to come out from hiding when they are ready.
For female fixer uppers, they may have frustrations to do with not feeling heard, validated, or knowing where they stand in terms of a commitment. They might go into withdrawal mode hoping their partner will feel threatened by the withdrawal of affection, sex, or relationship enough to change or offer reassurance. You can usually tell these types because they want to know, when things will change.
Because many of these types of SWs haven’t dealt with their own co dependent patterns, they usually end up in seducer mode again when they realise that their withdrawing tactics did not have an effect. They usually go back out of a need for love and approval or a fear of being alone.
What If The Ex Is Still About
This type of SW is not to be confused with the romance addict, this type of SW bounces back and forth between a current and past love relationship, unable to truly form a full commitment with either. Sometimes, this is just a way to avoid commitment. Other times, the SW runs from one love interest to the other whenever there is an argument or difficulty. Maybe they have never been able to fully get over their ex or there are children involved.
What To Do
If you tend to attract SWs as partners, there might be a lesson for you to learn that involves more than hoping that your partner can mature or come around. Sometimes being with an SW can leave a person feeling they are walking on eggshells. You may be afraid to confront, or say things in case this drives them away. Learn about co dependency so you can find ways to detach, distract yourself, and or to keep healthy boundaries during your partners coming and goings.
If you want a psychic reading on your love relationship or love interest to see if any of this applies to your situation, feel free to message me for a reading.
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